Today was HUMP DAY. The official halfway mark of The Master Cleanse, including the ease-in and ease-out processes. Today brought unexpected results… again! I tinkered with the formula for my salt water flush, and had some odd results. And I spent the night partying with my friends. Which was a bit of a social experiment unto itself.
I wake up fresh as a daisy as usual. I set up for my salt water flush and try two teaspoons of salt as my formula for the day. Then I chug the drink basically all in one. I say ‘basically’ because I mix half of it in a 16 oz mason jar, and pour it into a 16 oz glass, then mix the second half in the mason jar. When I pound the salt water I start with the glass, finish it, then pour the mason jar into the glass and go again. Then, like usual, I sit and wait.
And wait… and wait… and wait. My goodness! What is taking so long! Usually poop comes within 20 minutes. An hour passes and my stomach isn’t even gurgling! It usually starts gurgling and gargling within 10 mins. After about an hour 15 I get fed up. I want to take a shower, so I just sit on the toilet and attempt to pinch one out myself. So my great surprise, it works. It’s not watery like usually, it’s remarkably like a regular poo. WTF? Where did the poo come from? I haven’t eaten anything in six days now. How can I have a bowel movement of regular size, and regular consistency? This is crazy!
I had read, and talked to Mike about his before. About how even after days seven and eight you are still passing a lot of waste in your flushes, and how surprising that is. So I was prepared for that part. But to have a regular, solid poop. I did not see that coming. That is a lot of dormant waste and toxins.
The rest of the day is fairly ho-hum. I drink my lemonade, and pack, pack, pack. Rachel, my monogynous
dating partner for the last few months, and I say our sweet good byes. The night before (as you may well remember) Rachel and I went on a long walk around Toronto, in which I just about froze my living nuts off! She also brought me some actual measuring spoons for cooking (well, not for cooking in this case). I’d been using table spoons. With the new measuring spoons I immediately find out that I’ve been under portioning the cayenne pepper. This is articulated to me by the dramatic increase in spiciness, and tragic decrease in enjoyment of pounding a pint of lemonade all at once.
Come evening time my friends had organized a little going away soirée. We meet at my friend’s place (where I’m also staying right now) and the fun begins. This mainly means drinking and dancing. Then we head to the bar for more fun (read: dancing and drinking). I don’t want to say that I need alcohol to have a good time. I know that I have lots of good times without it. But let tell you this, spend one night a club that you usually love to drink and dance at, totally sober. I’m sorry, it ain’t fun. It was a damn good thing I was there with my friends or I would have probably tried to dig my eyeball out with a spoon.
I used to salsa dance several times a week. In that atmosphere, I loved going out and just dancing, no drinks involved (I sound like that Dane Cook skit about guys’ vs girls’ perspective on dancing)
How do I feel?
Today the greatest example of how food and drinking is so deeply intertwined into our culture. They are really very social activities. I remember when I was on the first could days of the ease-in and couldn’t even think of where I could go to get some raw, unprocessed food (other than a grocer). For people who don’t want to eat the deep fried, processed foods, drink alcohol, or sip on lattes there really isn’t a lot of options out there. Talk about limiting your social hemisphere.
I do really miss food, and the fun times I have when I eat with friends. I’m leaving town tomorrow and was yesterday if there was anything in Toronto that I wanted to do before I left. Every single answer was about food. I want to have one more King Pin sandwich at Blue Sky Blue Sandwiches, I want a really good, proper poutine, I would like one more really great dinner in Toronto… As far as I’m concerned there are two ways to know a city, through it’s landmarks and geography, and its gastronomy. And of the two, I find gastronomy to be the much more intimate and telling dimension.
My outlook moving forward?
Well, I made it past halfway, I’m pretty damn proud of that. But I’m ready for this thing to be over now. The novelty is wearing thin. That said, I just love a challenge! And this is the kind of challenge I find toughest. I can make it through weird, spicy drinks, and salt water induced diarrhea no prob. But having ‘the novelty’ wear off is a psychological challenge that isn’t nearly as easy to overcome.
Again I am finding myself wondering what type of diet choices I will make once the cleanse is over. Two days ago, as Rachel and I were leaving the house my roommate was making a can of Campbell’s cream of mushroom soup. She open the can then tipped it up side down above the pot. The soup held form like a gelatinous roll of toilet paper and stood straight up in the pot. How do we call that food?
Questions of the day
For those of you who have completed The Master Cleanse (or any other cleanse for that matter) in the past, what changes did your diet take after the cleanse was over?
Day 5, second time around.
The first time I tried The Master Cleanse (2 years ago) I only made it to Day 5. Like Jeff McLeod said, the novelty had worn off, and I was like, “I’m ready for this thing to be over.” That time I was making organic chicken soup for my kids and was chopping these organic carrots, and I thought, “Why can’t I have an organic carrot? It’s crazy!” And so I did, and that was the end of the Cleanse. I told people later, “I can do the cleanse, I could have continued but I was bored.” People who are “master” Master Cleansers told me, “Boredom is part of the die-off. You have to get through it to have really done the cleanse,” or some nicer version of that. So this time, even though I’m bored, and actually feeling hungry for the first time ever, I’m sticking with it. I want to see what’s on the other side.